Of Blue Dildoes

My car engine requires an oil change and a check up every 3 months which I dutifully maintain. So after much thought, I figured that after 22 years, it was high time to go see a gynaecologist. Opting on my school's health clinic out of convenience, I dialed the Health Services number, and then pressed 1, and then 8 and then 8 to schedule an appointment regarding women's health just like the automated voice message system instructed me to. After five minutes, I finally acheived human contact, who then told me that I had to go to the school's health education services to receive sex education before I could see a gynaecologist.

Annoyed but yet determined, I scheduled an (inconvenient) appointment with the health education department. On the day, I was ushered into a room where a giggly youngish-looking intern started talking to me about sex education. Out of her plastic box, she pulled out a bright blue plastic dildo and proceeded to roll a bright purple condom onto it, appropriately using the correct technique. So there I was, trying to keep a straight face all whilst thinking when would be the next time in my life I would see a blue dildo and purple condom at the same time. I spent the next 45 minutes talking about 101 ways to avoid STDs and pregnancy.

Hmmm, if you considered pregnancy a disease, then I guess you could call it an STD. Food for thought.

(Another) Blonde Moment

Respected CNN news anchor, the very intelligent and even more passionate (and utterly adorable! *sigh*), the one and only Anderson Cooper made an appearance for University at Buffalo's Distinguished Speaker Series. I went to the Arena, dressed up in nice heels, my nice pants, and my cute blouse and my nice coat, with a dash of my sample Estee Lauder perfume just in case he might ask me out for a drink after.

At the end of the session, I managed to wrangle through the masses to come up near the stage to just oogle at his piercing blue eyes and shake his hand. This guy next to me then thrusted a disposable camera into my hands and asked me to take a photograph of him with AC. I politely obliged him, and snapped a quick photo. Unfortunately, the flash didn't go off in the rather poorly lit auditorium. Anderson said "Uh-oh, the flash didn't go off," and I dumbly nodded my head and stared intently at the camera valiantly but unsucessfully looking for the 'press for flash' button. After a few moments, Anderson reached over, brushed my hand (!), and pressed the 'press for flash' button and politely told me I needed to wind up the camera again.

So there it is. My only close encounter with the dashing Mr.Cooper immortalizes me as the silly giddy girl who didn't know how to operate a disposable camera.

From my 22 year-old self to my 12 year-old self

You'll get boobs albeit small ones, eventually.

Mahathir will step down.

But before that, Anwar Ibrahim will go to prison for sodomy.

But at that time, you didn't know what sodomy was. It's not a fruit.

You will kill four fish, never fish-sit.

You'll be in graduate school for Chemistry. You quite like what you do, but you'll never admit to being that dork.

You will study in America.

Mummy and Daddy get quite religious.

You'll get a tattoo and sometimes forget you did.

You'll get pregnant. KIDDING.

The Spice Girl thing was a phase, thank God.

You'll have spent a night in Japan with seven Australian pilots karaoke-ing till 4a.m.

You'll sprain both your ankles.

The first car you'll buy is a 5-speed manual tranmission 1992 green Toyota Camry LE.

Grandma will die. Sorry. But you'll be all right.

You should have visited her on Monday at the hospital just to tell her you love her one more time and not gone to dance class.

You won't get to the hospital on time on Tuesday.

But you'll be all right.

Life will throw you some heartache.

But you'll be all right.

Life is beautiful.